Put The Bottle Down...
So here we are boys and girls... It is day 5 of this soberity walk. And, from last night it was almost day 0 again. I discovered the last few days that as I drive home... I start thinking about food/dinner/drinking. My husband and I have been wine dranks for a couple of years now. And, if we have a nice home cooked dinner we will normally share a bottle of wine or after dinner we will sit out by the fire pit and share an irish coffee. But, this week has been crazy and we haven't been able to do that.
Anyway, all of that to say last night... I wanted nothing more then to take a bug swallow of whiskey. And, for a number of years now... I would drink more then my husband. Behind his back... if he had a glass of wine... I had a glass and half... if he had two beers ... I would have two beers and a shot of tequila (that he wouldn't know about...). So, last night... I wanted that swallow so bad... I had the bottle in my hand... opened it... smelled it.. started to cry... and put the bottle back. LOL I am crying now just thinking about it.
I am so pissed at myself for getting to this point... that I feel this NEED for something that I know is slowly killing me... my relationship... my husbands faith in me.
I have over come so much in my life. I was a child raised in states custody... that came from a very broken home.. with a father who could not read or write and a mother who didn't understand the truest concepts of love. I went to college... I have a wonderful career... making more money then both of my parent combined in their lifetime. I lost 200 pounds from a gastric bypass. My mother passed away 4 years ago at the age of 47. I have helped raise my two wonderful younger brothers. 6 weeks ago I started working out... and am feeling great about that.
I guess I am pissed at myself. I feel like drinking was the one constant I had in my life. It is the one thing I gave so much power to. I have overcome so much.... I need to overcome this. But, it seems like it is going to be the hardest thing yet.
Anyway, thanks for listening to me ramble.
This is gay pride weekend in Atlanta... and we will be down supporting our friends that we love dearly. It will be hard to not drink. But, I haven't come this far to give into failure.