keithj

This is the key right here. Despite being sober for a few months, that craving (the physical allergy) was just as strong as ever. That's how it works with alcoholics like me. But I think you're missing the whole other component that proves your alcoholism: Despite your sincere desire and hard work and effort to not drink, you drank anyway.

This is described in Bill's Story of the Big Book. When he really wanted to get sober, and completely resolved himself to never drink again, he still got drunk a few more times. This is exactly how one moves into Step 2. Your post is an example of powerlessness. Defense must come from a higher power. Apologies to non-AA persons here. I'm speaking only in the context of AA.

The one thing lacking from your description of throwing yourself into AA was any mention of the spiritual awakening as the result of taking the 12 Steps. You mentioned reading the book, having a sponsor, going to meetings, doing service for your group. I can't tell you how many people I've seen relapse doing that exact same thing. And most everyone around them, including themselves, thinks they are doing the real deal. They are right in the middle of AA, and they are missing the whole thing.

I could be way off base here, but what step are you on? It's really all AA can offer anyone. The Big Book is just a set of precise directions to forming a conscious contact with a higher power of your own understanding. That's all it is.

Personally, and I've been sober a while, I think these two slogans are crap. If I'm without defense (can not recall with sufficient force of memory the humiliation and suffering of even a week or month ago), coming back and remembering won't do squat for me. My own experience shows me the truth of that. I have got to connect with this higher power, or I'm doomed to drink again. Phrases like, 'Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path' and '...'-What do I have to do? It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically. We shall tell you what we have done' are more likely to point you on the path.

What is the path? What, specifically, have we done in order to recover? That's where the answer is found. The path is the steps.

Yep, on my soapbox here. I sometimes get frustrated with the rooms of AA pushing everything except the program of AA. Some poor, hopeless drunk comes in and we feed him an easier, softer way of fellowship and comfort. And then we blame him when he gets drunk again. When really, we just haven't shown him the solution for the alcoholic described in our basic text.