Hello All,
Hope all is well. A little background on me prior to my unloading my concerns but I am a 29 Year Old Male name is Sach and I am an alcholic ...
and have been drinking for 3 years daily and of course at times to oblivion.
When I hit rock bottom (5 months ago) I decided enough was enough and I picked myself up went to a meeting and was dedicated to AA from that point. I had a rough detox at home with everything including DT's (mild) no hallucinations etc ... but massive ammounts of anxiety and depression.
I had been so involved in AA it was my life apart from working during the day. I was volunteering in so many things at my home group I found myself a sponsor read the big book at least 3 times. Things were getting better despite that depression anxiety always being there it was much better than the bottom I felt before I came into the rooms. Over time I started to feel better and due to work travelling and life responsibilities (getting married next year) I started to feel better and hadn't gone to a meeting in a couple weeks since I was out of town. Well long story short yesterday I had a drink .... I promised myself I would never do it again and 3 months ago you couldnt pay me enough money to touch alcohol and here I am writting with so much guilt over what I have done and pain. I had a few drinks last night after almsot 6 months of sobriety and feel so ashamed.
I am fearful of telling my sponsor since he has been so amazing and would be so disappointed in me, I once again proved I was an alcoholic as the desire to have more and more and more was incredible last night.
I am stuck here in a state of panic / fear afraid that since I drank I will have to go through the withdrawls and intense cravings once again. I can't not believe how foolish I was to do that ...
I am really seeing the imporance of the two most basic slogans "Keep coming back" and "Remember When" ...
I don't want to drink again I feel like hell from all the guilt ... in fact don't even know why I even bothered since the alcohol just made me more depressed and anxious ... arghhh I hate this disease ...
I would appreciate anyones thoughts ... I suppose I should talk to my sponsor of course and tell him ....
Is depression / anxiety normal even months after being sober ... I think this underlying issue is what I need to resolve all well.
Thanks for listening my thoughts are all over the place today.
Regards,
Panicmansach "Alcoholic"