Hi Jo,
You will find that you abandon your stereotypes about what an alcoholic is, if you look around here for very long. Addiction does not discriminate. I do find it interesting that you keep insisting you are not an alcoholic, but that you can't/won't give up drinking. Denial is a HUGE part of addiction, and recognizing that really helped me to recover.
I understand the feeling of fear of giving up alcohol. I couldn't imagine how I would make it through a day. The truth is, the world has opened up to me. My life is peaceful.