Cathy, When I first read this yesterday I tried to think of something comforting to say & never came up with anything that seemed helpful. I just decided to come here today and tell you I am sharing your heartbreak along with the others. The punishment did not fit the crime - and I agree, it is a despicable thing that was done to you. Maybe it was seen as protecting him from your erratic behavior - but once he was no longer a small child, you should have been allowed to be in each other's lives. With your son being 18 now, things can be different.
Not feeling alone with our nightmare of addiction is everything. You are not alone in this - it could have been me this happened to. My drinking got out of control when my son was an older boy, and my husband was not in a position to take him away. If the timing had been different I certainly could have lost him the same way you did. Me, a kind and gentle person who would never intentionally hurt anyone - especially my own child. My son wasn't taken away, but my drinking had an impact on our relationship. I know there were times he was disgusted with me & made to feel insecure - our lives weren't what they should have been, all because of alcohol. We can't allow ourselves to fall into despair - we have to stand tall & fight back. I hope you will find him and will be set free from this burden you carry.