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Old 10-27-2009, 08:54 PM
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Surlyredhead
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,039
10/28 a bitter sweet day

October 28th has been a difficult day for me for, well, I guess over 17 years now. Very shortly(less than an hour), my oldest Son will be 18 years old. I haven't seen him since before he was 2 years old. I was drinking so heavily that my now ex-husband took off with him and has kept him hidden ever since. I found out after I quit drinking and completed my 90 day treatment. I contacted FOC about child support I owed (there was a warrant out and I was trying to make things right) I was informed that my ex had signed off and the case was closed. A few months after that, I made contact with my family(I had been MIA for 2 years). When I got the courage to ask about my Son, Joshua, my parents told me that his Father told them one day that he was leaving and just disappeared. They had limited contact for a few months, then he cut off all contact and there has been none since. I contacted his parents about contacting my ex, but that never happened, they didn't think it was a good idea. I have had a private detectives looking for him, but his social security number has not been used since 1994. I suppose, in the back of my mind, I think I deserve this, but my parents have never done anything wrong, I am most angry about that. I also live with the guilt that my Son doesn't know his mother because of my drinking. I have forgiven myself for being an Alcoholic, but it is a little harder forgive myself for letting my Son down. I really don't know if he even knows I am alive or dead. I don't know if he has hated me for all of these years, I don't know anything. My younger Son is 14, he knows about his half brother and why he is not in our life. Maybe they will meet one day, if I am gone already, he promised me that he would tell his brother that he knew about him and that we were looking for him,and that I loved him.

For any parent out there who has there family by their side, who has their children in their lives, be so very grateful for the chance to get and stay sober before it was to late. Give them the biggest hug and tell them you love them. You are truly blessed.

I am grateful tonight for the 15 1/2 years of sobriety I have, and my younger Son, and I really don't have any urges to drink, but I am hurting for my Son who lost his Mother to Alcoholism, and to be honest I am hurting for me too. I miss my Son.

Thanks for listening......Cathy
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