[/Quote:]Drinking also drains me physically, socially, and emotionally. I would like to do different things that'll take my mind of it, but somehow drinking has gotten a hold on me. In the past, I was able to stop, but now it seems much more difficult. I was going to go to a AA meeting, but I"m an agnostic and have a problem with people using a higher power to take away thier problems. I believe, the problem stems from you yourself and no one can fix it but you. I'm not saying I'm powerless:[/QUOTE]
It sure looks to me like you're powerless. Alcohol has gotten a hold on you and breaking that hold seems much more diffficult now. I (and everyone else around here) wishes that we could fix our own problems. Experience however, has shown us differently. We needed help. Please don't get hung up about step 2 in AA. It merely states that we believe that there's something out there that's more powerful than we are. What that power is will be different for each of us. And we think that this power could restore us to sanity. Neither this step or step 3 eliminates our own personal responsibilities here. But as to the higher power thing, as Zencat says, there's a lot of wiggle room in AA. And if you truly believe that AA isn't for you, look up many of the alternatives out there.