It's not for anyone else but you. You have to know you're worth it. No one should "pity" you. It's not about pity. If you need help and you know you'll get it, you shouldn't be afraid to ask for it. I know that's hard to do but getting sober does take some work and if people are willing to help you.........
As for the plans and traveling, my view on that is this, if I'm thinking I'm going to end up drinking, I don't go. I have done two holiday seasons now and on my way to my third and I won't be drinking. I can rationalize it to myself "but it's the holidays, everyone is doing it", but really, that's not a good enough reason.
Last year I laid on my friend's couch in his house where there was beer and wine in the fridge and liquor bottles hanging out in the kitchen. I was bawling my eyes out because I was just plain sad and depressed. I didn't pick up and get drunk because I KNEW it wasn't worth it. And for me it didn't matter that it was right there within reach because if it weren't, I could have just as easily walked right out the door and could have gotten my own supply.
It's choices my friend. You have choices today and you can do whatever you want. So if you want good things for yourself, you just have to make the right choice for you.
Good luck. I know you're struggling, I've been there too. But you can do this!!
