Whoa! I wanna meet the people who said that this was supposed to be easy. Introduce me to those folks who said that your experiences aren't the way recovery is supposed to go. So you've read a bunch of threads and it seemed like the rest of us were taking a leisurely walk in the park while the obsession just faded away while we were eating cotton candy? ********! Mama, this ain't easy! You allowed yourself to get into a situation where you're pissed at the world because you're having a hard time. It it's your Mama's fault for praying for you, although I may question your husband's giving you a drink. But perhaps that's all he knows how to do when you go bouncing off walls. Let me explain something here-you're angry and upset because you let yourself become that way. How you feel is your fault, no one elses.
You want to get on your knees and ask the Lord "Why me?" How about getting on your knees and asking the Lord "Please Help Me". Stop the pity party. You're not experiencing anything the rest of haven't gone through. (Well, ok, maybe the horse standing on your leg is sorta unique).
"Maybe I can quit tomorrow? Just one more night???" Suure! Go right ahead. Tomorrow you'll still be pissed. Your leg's gonna hurt. You're husband is now going to be totally confused, and you're going to have a hangover. Boy, that sounds so much better than what you're going through today.
You have to stop this foolishness of trying to get sober on your own. You need help. I would recommend AA as a starter, and if that doesnt work then find another program. There's a bunch out there. But try AA first, as it's been the most successful recovery program around for the past 74 years. And if you go to a meeting and don't like the crowd, go to a different meeting! But dammit, do something other that feeling sorry for yourself. Read my lips. "Recovery from addiction is hard! You have to work at it! Your Fairy Godmother isn't going to come by tonight and wave her magic wand!" Ask help from your higher power. Ask help from folks who've been there. Go to meetings, meet people like yourself and listen to them. Yeah, it's hard to get sober, but not impossible.