Cocoon!
I wish I could cocoon myself, live in my very own non-alcoholic bubble. Things would be so much easier. I need to share, not start a discussion, not even ask for advise (I think I know what people would tell me), just a simple write it down to feel better share.
This weekend started out quite okay, I even had a little time to go onto SR. I have mentioned before that I had a tough time understanding my non-alcoholic husband and was given very good advise, which I followed and it helped. I thought last week was a big breakthrough when he did bring home a can of beer and left the case at his buddy's shop. Wow, finally he gets it. I don't mind him drinking, I just can't handle it being kept in the house. We went out yesterday afternoon and as I was making some space in his van and there it was: A big bottle of Vodka. I don't like it, never have, but I used to drink it because it got me where I needed to be quickly and someone once told me you can't smell it on your breath, which btw is not true. So there it was staring at me, calling my name. I felt angry, upset, so resentful even hate. I didn't say anything. I guess the van is not the house and because he is not alcoholic it will be there for a few weeks with me knowing it's there.
Did I have a drink? NO I DID NOT.
Do I feel grateful, happy and all the other things I tell people they should feel cause they resisted temptation? NO I DO NOT. All I feel is numb, empty and lonely.
I am Marion and I am an alcoholic. Thanks for letting me share.