jimhere

Just keep doing it 'till you can't anymore, I guess.

There is a line in the book Alcoholics Anonymous that says something like this:

"I know I must get along without liquor, but have you a sufficient substitute? I know I must get along without liquor, but am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring, and glum like some righteous people I see?"

I always mistook excitement for happiness. Always had to be somewhere else other than where I was doing something different than what I was doing. I couldn't stand my own company. I couldn't stand it when it was quiet. Everything was about having "fun."

Well, at the end of my drinking, I'd had about enough of that kind of fun. I'd had about all I could stand. I was willing to be consigned to a life of being stupid, boring, and glum if it meant that I didn't have to drink anymore.

At first, it was a bitch. My head was busy. The thoughts raced around so fast that there wasn't any space in between them. I couldn't sit still. I occupied my time with two to five meetings a day, with work, and all kinds of activity, anything for a distraction. I thought I needed a woman, so I found one in AA. That was a disaster.I thought I was lonely when I was really just horny. Then too, I suffered from the kind of loneliness that can't be remedied by sex, money, or even by sitting in AA meetings. I got where I couldn't stand being alone and I couldn't stand being in a crowd. That was when I asked for help in the form of sponsorship. I took the steps and cleared away all the garbage. One day I found myself sitting at home reading a book and it was quiet and I didn't want to be anywhere else but where I was at.

Boredom comes from sitting around thinking about yourself all the time. I can't remember the last time I was bored.

I am enjoying a quiet Sunday at home today. I was thinking about going to a noon meeting, but I think I'll go to the library instead.
Jim

Big Book references from Alcoholics Anonymous, First Edition