i'm sure everyone here can relate to you saying you like the feeling of getting high or whatever. alcoholics drink essentially because we like the effect it produces. having said that, drinking and/or drugging began to produce horrific consequences in my life. the consequences became so severe, that it no longer made the effect produced by alcohol worth it. furthermore, the effect produced by alcohol no longer worked because i could never escape the feeling that what i was doing was wrong.
i have accepted the fact that i cannot drink like normal people. normal people do not feel intense feelings of guilt when they drink -- followed by terrible and sometimes tragic consequences.
when i feel like i am just existing in this program, it is because a part of my program is lacking (meetings, steps, working with new people, service, prayer, etc). i know you said you are doing it all, but talk with your sponsor about your feelings and maybe you'll find something more you could be doing.