Tanya,
I am on day 7 sober, so I have no wisdom to impart (others do though). All I can say is that 3 weeks ago I would have sworn on my life I didn't have a problem. Then two weeks ago, I would have said, maybe I have a little problem. Then I found SR. And I started writing down my behavior in posts. The more I wrote, the worse it looked. And I began reading posts and found so much of my own behavior reflected in the behavior of others here. And somehow, actions that I had accepted as normal in myself seemed shocking when described by someone else. You are a unique person, so you won't find someone else EXACTLY like you, but you might find that most of your actions and thoughts have been used by others on this forum. I can only suggest you read as much as possible and see if that experience is as helpful to you as it has been to me.
I too, have been leading a secret life. Not one person but me knows I have a problem yet. But if your friends and family knew how much you really drank, what would they say? Mine would be horrified. I too, also, have yet to say the A word. Its still big mental block for me. Right now, I'm saying I'm not drinking. But I'm making progress and I might reach that someday.
Best of luck Tayna. You'll be amazed at how kind and helpful the people on this forum will be.