Welcome Consuming My Soul - I see myself in your story. That was me. Glad you have joined SR.
Since you identify yourself as a HFA, I recommend you to pick up a book that really helped me, it is called: Understanding the High-Functioning Alcoholic: Professional Views and Personal Insights by Sarah Allen Benton.
Yes, it is madness, but one that you can change if you want to.
Being a HFA just means that your alcoholism has not progressed to the later deadly stages, but that doesn't change the fact that you are an alcoholic (and from what you have said, you are an alcoholic my friend). The first step is the same for all alcoholics - stop drinking. If we don't stop drinking, HFAs become just like other alcoholics - in lots of trouble or dead.
I've got a bunch of other books I like, so send me a private message if you want the whole list.
Welcome -- keep reading -- keep posting. This group will help in whatever way we can.