OF COURSE my alcoholic mind makes it all about me -
here I am, worried sick and truly pi$$ed off...
but I've got to be all 'woohoo! it's friday night at the liquor store"
when I really want to get in my new car and go to the city where she is, you know?
We were just joking on sunday that -
here we are
no spring chickens, but still have some 'hot' goin on
and we only now get our ducks in a row enough
to get decent cars...
we talked about a feeling of 'impending doom'
because we always screw things up when we get ahead like this ....
she didn't WANT this,
when my last year of drinking
I WANTED what she has
I WANTED not to wake up.
What do we do?
The only thing I ever came up with
was to have the CLEANEST recovery I can have
to make this life as meaningful as it was desloate
in memory of those who didn't make it.
in memory of those who got MY wish.
I know there's people reading this who lurk
still drinking
still eating pills
we never know
we never know when it's our turn in the barrel
we never know
wehn what we say
is the last thing we're going to say
we just never know.