Hi Aysha,
I've come to appreciate and value your presence here, especially when I come back with my tail between my legs, after yet another attempt to prove I can beat alcohol without any help. It hasn't worked for me, nor will it work for you, as you well know. The feelings of, "I'll just have one, just do a little" are a lie, we never just do a little.
I hope you are able to weather this storm of desire, temptation and frustration at not being able to just do what we want, to hell with the consequences. The consequences are real, and they suck! Hang in there.