Ok, Penny, you started me on the Irish jokes, here's one of my favorites:
Pat and Mike were out all night drinkin and carousin. They were heading home about 6 in the morning when they passed by the parish church.
"Mike, do ya think we ought to go in and go to confession before we go home to our wives?"
"Aye," Pat answered, "probably be the proper thing to do."
So they both go in and kneel down and Pat choose to be the first to go in the confessional.
"Bless me, Father," he begins, " 'tis been a week since my last confession. Father, I was with a woman last night an' it twasn't me wife."
The priest on the other side of the screen pauses for a moment then says, "Ye know, Son, I can't give you absolution unless ya tell me the name of the woman ya were with."
"Oh, Father, please! I can't be tellin' ya that. I promised I'd not tell a soul," Pat whispered in alarm.
"Well I can't be givin' ya absolution until ya do." the priest replied.
"Oh, please Father, don't be askin' me such a thing. I made a promise, " Pat pleaded.
The priest thought a moment then offered, "I tell ya what. I'll mention some names and you just answer 'aye' or 'nay'. That way ya won't actually be tellin' me the name."
"I suppose that will work, ok, Father, I'll do it."
"Was it the widow O'Brian?" the priest questioned.
"Nay, Father, twasn't her." came the reply.
"Was it Mary O'Saunhessy?"
"Nay, Father, not her."
"Maggie O'Dell?"
"Nay."
"How about Katie Murphy?"
"Nay, Father."
During this time, Mike was still kneeling in the pew and kept looking at his watch. Pat had been in the confessional for a long time.
About the time Mike was really beginning to wonder what was going on, the curtain on the confessional pulled back, Pat emerged, he returned to the pew and knelt down next to Mike, his face buried in his folded hands in prayer.
"Pat, Pat!" Mike tried to whisper, " did the Father give ya absolution?"
Pat never lifted his head, "No, but..." Mike could see a wee smile on his face, "...I got about thirty new leads for next weekend!"