I sure can relate to your stress. Been there once or twice myself in the past 35 years.
Sounds to me like you are on the right path here when you said "this is not a life, etc." Boy you got that right!
Just have to reach that point where peace and quite outweigh chaos and crisis!! That's when you know you have arrived!
He's going to continue doing what he wants to do regardless of how you feel. Typical addict behavior! This is why you have to take care of you, yourself, 'cause you can't count on him.
Go for it!
Hugs Devastated