Hi Lolly
I know the heartache of watching with sadness and disappointment as they continue their journey.
But I also see a strength in you, and know that you will move forward, one baby-step at a time in YOUR recovery.
I too had panic attacks and anxiety attacks on a regular basis. I though my heart would just give out. And I tried medication for a while, but it didn't work well for me (bad side effects). But it helps most so don't misunderstand what I am saying.
For me, as I really worked my program, and learned to live it every day, the attacks lessened and now are fairly rare (and I do have medication that I can take when they are really bad).
But that took me a long long time. And as you continue your recovery, I know that you will find the peace that follows, too.
You are in my prayers.