So I got over my fear last night and walked into the women's group meeting...and let me tell you, I'm SO GLAD I DID.
The topic of the night was "self-respect", and I hadn't realized just how much my drinking was related to the fact that I really didn't love myself. Finally I got the nerve to speak - talked about issues in my childhood and an abusive past that led to my feeling worthless. It seemed like the only time I liked myself was when I was drinking. Ordinarily, I was this shy, self-conscious girl who always seemed to say the wrong things. When I was drinking, I was glamorous...beautiful...witty. Or so I thought. In reality, I was the obnoxious girl who threw up on her friends' couches and passed out during karaoke.
Know what? SO many of the women there had similar stories. It was so refreshing. I had a good cry, a good confession, then got lots of hugs and phone numbers. Bought a copy of the Big Book...and last night, when I felt the urge to drink, I called a friend, then put on some good music and snuggled down in my bed to read a bit. It felt good...and I'm still getting used to not waking up with a hangover!
Loving myself...that's a new concept to me, but I'm working on it. I keep telling myself that I was created to be something wonderful. There were many times when I could have easily died, but I didn't. There has to be a reason for that.
Just have to find it.
