Taz is right Alice - eventually the alcohol ceases to work, and I don't wish that on anybody.
Pls think about dealing with this now. Don't talk yourself out of getting help - bottom line recovery is about acceptance - accepting you cannot drink alcohol, admitting that you have a problem and admitting that your addiction is controlling you.
You need to stop drinking - what support mechanism you use is up to you.
Here a link to several programs - do also check out the secular forum....they have more links down there
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html
D