Hi Sograteful
Just popping on to say hi and glad you're with us. Thank you for your post.
I too have recently set boundaries with my codependent mother (Af died 21 years ago) and alcoholic brother and can so relate to what you say about putting the heavy weight in the background of your life and moving forward.
I am still working at letting go of the mother (family) that I would like but never, ever had.
What I find hard is when I read posts about detaching with love - I am at a point where I am calmly detached in that the hurt, anger, grief, bitterness are no longer raw and bubbling about under the surface. However, I look for feelings of love towards my mother and brother and I'm afraid I can't feel any.
People say, of course you love them and they love you but.... I don't think so. I know how deeply I love my own children and my husband but I don't have any positive feelings whatsoever towards my mother and brother. I feel compassion towards my dead alcoholic father but that is as high as it goes.
I think the damage of my childhood and early adulthood was just too great, I don't think my mother ever loved me and if she did, she never exhibited it. Sometimes I think
- I've turned out seriously okay, given the dysfunctional, toxic environment I grew up in.
IWTHxxx