I must say that since I wrote that letter to my mom and her last negative response was two weeks ago almost, I had a rough week at first. It took some getting used to and brought back some really creepy memories of her when I was a child. It made me realize that she is no different than when I was younger living under her roof and that she probably is worse now. I also started recognizing when I started blaming myself for the reason why I had a troubled relationship with her..and pretty much no relationship now. It's soooo easy to fall into the trap of blaming myself b/c I want to fix it and since she acts like nothing is wrong with her...it's easy for me to say...what can i do differently---if only i would have done this or that then maybe my mom would want to drive to come see her new grandbaby. But since I've taken a step back, i've been realizing the negative patterns that I've developed over time througout my relationship and have been able to recognize why I get that way and blame myself. Now that I have started to let my mom go....and allow her to live the consequences of her behavior, I have been able to focus better on my family and my husband. I realize how much I took my husband for granted and how much I so often would pull away from him for absolutely NO reason. It is taking time to heal and allow myself to love others freely.