First of all, welcome to the boards of Sober Recovery. This is a great place to find help and support for you addiction issues. There is a lot of wisdom here, and so many folks who understand what you are going through and are willing to offer any support they can to help you.
I've felt that same desperation you describe, about the only thing left to do is reach out for help, any help, AA, hospital, whatever is available, and really use it. The frustration can be so completely crushing that suicide seems the only "logical" way out. But that is just an example of how twisted addcition makes our thought process.
I hope you are able to get some help. AA is free and available most everywhere. If you havent' tried it, I would recommend it, it certainly can't hurt. Just try to accept the help that is offered the best you can and resist the impulse to "do it your own way". Hope you get to feeling better. Take care.