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Old 10-20-2009, 12:51 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
thirtybubba
Owner of a strange glitch.
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Don't quite know how to say what I want so say, but here goes, kinda long & kinda sideways:

I do come from the place you would go to... we were very aware of people like y'all. Come and go and confused the heck out of us to be honest.

Fast forward. For years now I've been living a double life. Well, maybe triple--I don't know how deep it goes. My first three years of college I lived in a residential hotel... you can only imagine what that was like. And they had an absolute no students rule--luckily I worked a job so I could explain my regular schedule. All my neighbors got high/drunk or were mentally ill or on the run from the law--several standoffs, a few murders and every night I came home to a smiling night manager who wanted to sleep with me and had the key to my room...

I was laid off and ran out of money, so I moved to the college. And I never realized how little I knew about the world. I'm not that young--feel older still--and I've been around a few places. But I have never felt so out of place as permanently living here. At least when I lived downtown, I could go home and connect with my neighbors on some level--we all lived there, laughed at the same things. Now I'm just an outsider, and I can't even tell you why.

It was being this level of lost that prompted me to reach out to SR, and since I've been on here, I have found several aspects of several people I can relate to. No one person for all of them. Nor do I expect to. Nobody who grew up with me is in college, most are no longer anywhere, and the rest are either strung out or in prison. I have been had to deal with the fact that I will most likely never meet another human being anywhere, ever, who's been through even similar situations to me across the board. I can, however, meet people who have been through either parallel situations or one or two of the same situations--and through those people is how I have to learn about this suburban world I'm in now.

Y'all are somehow like translators to me. And I can't thank you enough.

I can read all the messages, and I know I sometimes get frustrated because I don't really understand the *situation* enough to be able to parallel it with something I understand, but otherwise, I'm a street kid and to be honest, not ashamed at all. Just on a different road right now, and not ashamed of that either. And this new road is mighty confusing without Rosetta Stones...

Like in life, it's a whole lot of people who--want to or not--can't tell me a thing because they can't see what I'm seeing, even looking at the same thing. It's people like you, Impurrfect, etc, here and in the world, who are the torchbearers for people like me. It might not be the best, most productive role on the whole planet, but it's one that, when yall're needed, no one else will do. So while it's true, back in the day, we couldn't fathom what y'all were doing on our blocks, nowadays, if it weren't for that, well...

Take care Aysha, don't give up, don't think you don't deserve what all you got. That's just being silly. If you didn't take advantage of it, is it available to anyone else? You'd just be wasting it... So what if you didn't always appreciate it--are you starting to see it now?


-TB, going back to sleep.

Last edited by thirtybubba; 10-20-2009 at 01:03 AM. Reason: half asleep not saying what i wanna very good at all
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