How do I relate?
I really went deep in my addiction. But I didnt come from a bad upbringing. I didnt have a bad life. Quite the opposite. I had everything a kid could ask for. A loving family. We traveled alot. We had everything we needed and then some. Ate out at nice restaurants all the time. New cars every few years. Nice big houses. New name brand clothes every year. Never had to want for nothing. I was a spoiled kid.
I chose to go play in the gutter. To get involved in the darker side of life. Stay in the poverty of the world. But when I was done and ready to leave. I always had all that stuff to go back to.
I have done some really awful things in my addiciton. To myself, to my family, to strangers. And I have also had alot of awful things happen to me as a result.
But I always had that security. I always had a place to go, a family to go to.
So how would I relate to people who come back to nothing and no one?
Some people may not have even gotten as deep as I have and still lost it all.
I am very grateful for what I have. I couldnt imagine not having anyone there for me. I am not too sure I would want to even try and stop using if that was the case to be honest.
I will be the first to admit that had it not been for my family, I would not be where I am. I dont know if I could have survived without somewhere to go all the time.
I try to understand people in all aspects. And its impossible to really see everyones struggle and understand completely. I know this.
But I had it easy. I almost feel like because of how reckless and uncaring I was, how disrespectful I use to be for what I did have waiting at home. That somehow I dont deserve to have it this easy.
You all know what I am startign school for. And what my objective will be to work with women coming from the streets. But even tho I was in the same place in addiction. I have never been where alot of them will be when they go into recovery. Thats with nothing and no one. Not saying they all are like that. But alot of them are.
I am not having doubts. I almost feel like a phoney really.
I wasnt raised in the hard streets. I chose to go there. Chose that over the comforts of home and all that I had offered to me over those years of using.
I chose to pass that by to be high in the street.
Some dont have a choice. Some know nothing else.
I dont know. I am really depressed the past few days. Alot on my mind.
I dont know why because my life is going exactly how I want it to. Maybe thats the problem? Am I self sabotaging?