Stacking BB's, FS. It's difficult to distinguish the true from the false. If I just get all those BB's stacked up just right; if she sticks to the right schedule, keeps the panties off the floor, does what I want, all will be well. Hell, I may even have to get a new her, a new it, a new thing, whatever, but if I just get 'em stacked, it will be OK.
And then some a**hole comes by and bumps the table, and all my neatly, painstakingly stacked BB's go flying across the room.
It's what many of us, myself included for a time, try to do with alcoholism. We stack BB's, trying to get all the little details in life to fit to our design. And it never quite works out the way we want it to. The BB's go flying, and we go a-drinkin.
Deep in your heart, FS, do you really think that whatever the other 'hers' are in your life really make a difference to your being sober or not? What if you get all the 'hers' stacked the way you want, then what? Will you be sober then?
I get you, FS. Some people do not need to be in my life, and they don't enhance my sobriety. But they are not the problem. I'm the problem. Booze was just my solution to the problem of me.
A spiritual awakening as the result of the 12 Steps got me to a new me. And that new me is not a problem.