Endzy, I appreciate what you're saying re they might be in a bad mood, might not be the same ones etc. And Lord knows, I've tested a few people upon meeting them... probably paying for it now.
The problem with the meeting is... unless I can get a ride I am committing a felony, or walking through all kinds of blocks in the very late night. It is over a half hour's walk from the bus that goes by my house--not a problem in itself--and the last bus leaves out at 8:11, which would leave me to walking for a couple hours, it's about 10 miles away, and I'd have to figure out a way that's safer than the bus goes/I've ever driven it.
Risking jail or assault... just seems like a heck of a risk to prove a point... And yet, the truth is at this point, I'd probably just walk. No use in offending the status quo of society down here with my inconvenient self. I reckon that's why I don't mind going all the way up into the city for the other one, where nobody even heard of the name of the town I live in--it makes me less inconvenient and people nicer.
I don't know. I really don't--my mind is torn up with trying to explain things to myself, sobriety things, school things, family things, social life (or lack thereof) things, too many things and my brother might have told me the truest thing of all back in the day: "Why are you leaving [here, ie to go get a legal job]? They are never going to accept you, they'll let you walk with them to make themselves feel good about themselves is all." Okay, I cleaned that up a bit. But it seems so true. I've outlived my cuteness, now I'm just inconvenient. And it's too late to go back.
Right now I got more serious problems here at these dorms, and I don't pretend to understand how I am going to suffer by the horror of them doing my chores for me, although I gotta admit trying to figure out their plan has been stressing me out a bunch. Opened a drawer earlier looking for candy half hoping there'd be a bottle.
But I got through all the rest of today just fine, no real ups or downs, even though the internet took a dive for a few hours. And I'll be okay, closing out day 2 part x. Updated my calendar, and counted, and even though I'm far from doing good here, I still technically have more smilies than letters.
Take care y'all.
School tomorrow.
-TB