I am paraphrasing this a bit:
"Recovery/serenity happens when we give up hoping for a better past"
Learn from the past, and learn well, but don't expect the past to get any better. And it may get ugly on close inspection. Even in alanon, working the steps can be challenging as one turns over life's rocks and logs. I am guessing that you are experiencing a bit of that 'eewww' reaction that can result from a moral inventory. But you will find some gems and gold along with the bugs and worms.
(I actually think some of the bugs under rocks are really cool, but that is a treehugger's opinion)
Recovery is hard work and you are to be applauded for the time you have stayed sober so far.
I attend an AA meeting along with alanon meetings because recovery in AA is about life and death, and is so inspiring.