Unable...
...to fix things for my son and need to loosen my death grip!!!!
Can't decide if my behaviour and feelings are codependent, ACOA or just plain frustration at both my son and lack of appropriate social services.
For newer posters, my son (17) has recently been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, he has dropped out of school with mental health problems and I have given up work to become his carer.
So I'm not posting about the self-induced alcoholism of my AF and brother but the genetic Autism of my son. However, the similarities from my side of the street are frighteningly similar.
On the one hand I need to stop being such a control freak but on the other hand, I am my son's only advocate. At times I feel like I am trying to move mountains and failing.
He has three options:
1. Return to mainstream education / find employment
2. Join a small support group set up for more severe, lower functioning autistics
3. Stay on social security benefits and stay at home with Mum
None of these options "fit". He wants to be part of a small group of young people like him who have very high functioning autism but none exist in our area. So until our social services provide appropriate services he is stuck isolated at home.
I am part of two local support groups and people are campaigning for more services but these things take time.
In the mean time, I am so frustrated and this is where the similarity to codependency kicks in. This is a chronic genetic condition, I cannot fix this, I cannot take away my son's emotional pain, we are doing the best we can, we have exhausted EVERY possibility in our local area but still I feel "If only I did this, if only I spoke to this person then I could help make things right for him and make him happier." I can't pass the responsibility to him because of his social and emotional immaturity (part of the Asperger's) - although 17 and very intelligent, he probably has the social maturity of a 12 year old.
If you are still reading, many thanks. Any insight as to how I continue to be a responsible parent but detach from this unhealthy need to fix an "unfixable" situation gratefully received.
Many thanks, IWTHxxx