I don't know why I'm not good enough
This jumped out at me. Everything in your life is going to be affected by this low esteem attitude you have towards yourself. It is the reason so many of us alcoholics drink: we don't think we are good enough, we are not happy because somewhere along the line we learned we don't deserve to be happy, we drink to be happy and then it blows up in our face because alcohol doesn't make us happy.
You are still young, but nowadays young people are recognising they are alcoholics after only a few short years of drinking, and I am so happy to see this happening. (Yes, that does sound a little odd...but....read on), I waited 25 years to figure out I put the drink to my lips because I was unhappy because I didn't think I was good enough.
Day after day, week after week, month after month and finally year after year.
Percieving that I was not "good enough" brought me almost 3 decades of disastrous choices in both men and life, and...plain and simple unhappiness. Choosing bad relationships is just the tip of the iceburg.
I'm very glad you are here and sharing your experiences with us. I hope that the things we share help you find your way. And don't forgot to....remind yourself: You ARE GOOD ENOUGH!