Thanks again to all!
This is going to sound kind of strange, but I'm actually glad I figured out that I'm an alcoholic. It means jumping off that merry go round we all talk about -- no more inner dialog of "Am I or Am I not an Alcoholic?" That really gets exhausting... and those awful sleepless nights where you feel miserable and hopeless.
I went out for dinner tonight, saw some friends of mine at the restaurant bar drinking wine and martinis -- they offered to buy me a drink. I said, "I'll have a cranberry juice." They said, "Okay." And that was that...going to bed sober.