Originally Posted by
mistycshore 
Tyler, this probably sounds biased but it's what I've witnessed in life. When a long-term relationship breaks up, women tend to take some time getting over it. Then they are free to find and be happy in another relationship. For men it seems like they need to find the new relationship first and *that* is what helps get them over the heartbreak. I doubt that's very helpful to you, but I thought I'd throw it out there. Maybe if you could move forward, it would inspire your ex to move forward too,
Thanks for your input. We've actually been apart for about 6 1/2 years, divorced for almost 5 years, so I'm not really sure how much more "time" either of us need. I guess that is part of what I need to know from her.
Truth is I'm not even sure if it is a good idea for us to even try to get back together. It is what my heart wants, but this may be one of those times that is would be best not to follow my heart. There are more things other than my drug use that split us appart, though that is certainly the most obvious one. My drug use pushed her away, which made her more withdrawn into her work, which caused resentment in me and more drug use, which drove her futher away, and so on and so one. A vicious circle indeed.
She currently spends all of her time working or with my son. I don't know if she has, or is willing, to make the time in her life for a relationship with me or anyone for that matter. We have a lot of issues and baggage to work through, that would certainly require a time comittment. As I develop more self esteem, I realize that I deserve a person who is willing to comitt time and effort to the relationship. As much as I want to be with her, I'm not sure she is willing to change her routine enough to provide that.
I discussed all of this with my theripist and she suggested that I discuss it with her, try to see where she is at on all of this. I don't want to come across as "drawing a line in the sand" or something, but I need to know if this is something that she is willing to prusue or make an effort toward. I'm not really sure how to do this delicately, so there aren't any hurt feelings, it may not be possible at all, I really dont' know.
Gonna kick it around with the theripist some more next week and possibly have a discussion with my ex over Haloween weekend, when I visit next. Thanks again for your imput, it all helps in the end. Take care.