Bamboozle

Most people knew about me...I didn't try to hide. There were plenty of jokes about my drinking...I joked along. I went to a party school...so no one thought my behavior was out of the norm...or if they did think it was excessive NO ONE SAID A WORD.

It didn't matter...I wouldn't have listened. I drank my way through school, graduated, and hung around the town for a couple more years.

I knew my problem was serious...more blackouts...several empty boxes of wine taking up residence in my apartment....drunk at work. I couldn't stop...so I moved back home to live with my parents. It didn't work. I still found ways to drink and hide it...but my parents knew and commented about it. All that did was p!ss me off. I wouldn't listen to anyone...I really needed help. Some time later heart palpitations scared me into quitting...but quitting didn't stick. I found this web site and was a chronic relapser. I hit a turning point back in March: drink or kill myself. Those were my only options...I was mentally sick. I did drink...but I also reached out for help. Long story a little shortened, therapy and meds helped me immensely and I still use SR as a part of my recovery.

When I reached out for help I finally admitted that I had a mental illness...depression. I was in denial about that far longer than I was about my alcoholism.

The depression hit before my drinking problem did. I couldn't convince myself that something was wrong with my head and I needed serious help...so I found some relief in alcohol. Before I knew it I picked up addiction along the way.

Take care of yourself, TB. Get to a meeting. Talk to a counselor. Whatever you do, reach out for help.