jazzz i was thinking about this the other day...i used my drinking to behave in a way that i thought i wanted and to be the person i thought i wanted to be...in my case i wanted to be the tough guy that had no emotion and a bit of a lone wolf...
i have found out, well am beginning to understand that i am a caring, compassionate, loving, thoughtful, nice guy...but still even just writing that i get the urge not to as i dont want to come across (for want of a better word) as a cisssy...when really these traits are the best to have as opposed to selfish, arrogant, obnoxious, self centred...
chuck into that mix the fears, insecurities etc and...well you get it i'm sure...and then getting back self confidence and self esteem, am i shy? or aren't i? well i am in this way but not in this way...so?!
it'll all come out in the wash:-)
one thing i have noticed, as i posted in July 09, is that i am starting to think, after saying some things, why did i say that? it's almost like it's an automatic response that has been learned because of the old behaviour...weird?! e.g. before if someone said would you like to come with us, we are all going to the pool this afternoon...my answer would be why would i do that pssshhh? but now yes i would like to come please:-)
hope that makes some sense to someone...
