thirtybubba,
I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. For many years I mostly wanted to find a way to avoid the consquences of drinking but I never could figure it out. Finally, I decided the best way was to not drink at all. As the other have said, far better than I, you have to really want it. For me, that was the catch.
You keep trying. I suggest reading the Rational Recovery book, "The Little Book" I think it's called. It really helped me a lot. The author has some major issues with AA but if you can get past that, I think it's worth it.
We are always here for you. Always. PM me if you want. I'm not able to get to SR every day but will get back to you as soon as I can.
Love,
Lenina