Welcome Eternal,
You have come to the right place. I think if I had found this place I may have not had to go to rehab. My husband is still an active alcoholic who thinks AA is a cult so that was not an option for me. I am at almost 15 months sober and I do think rehab gave me a chance. I spent 8 days inpatient and about 2 months in outpatient. My job sent me and I had enough sick time to cover. My children are grown but I am starting the grandmother thing and hopefully they will never see me drunk. It can be done but you sound like you need some outside help as either an addiction counselor, AA or rehab. There is so much to learn about the disease and I think to just white knuckle it will only send you back to where you are. I was a little different in I raised my kids and then started drinking when they were adults. My son had to carry me home. I took my husbands valuim but only to treat my hangovers so I don't think I was dual addicted. I also took diet pills in my 20's and 30's but stopped them way before I started drinking. I do question how long my marriage will last but I am still hoping my husband will come around. His body is wearing out from the drinking. Good luck and keep posting.