I can give you a couple of suggestions that may help.
1. Forget about your husband's drinking problem. That's his to deal with. You have to focus on getting yourself well. If he wants to stay an alcoholic then that's his choice. You have to start looking out for #1, and you certainly have to consider your children growing up with 2 alcoholic parents. Not good. No doubt it will be difficult trying to recover while living with an active alcoholic. But if you want to quit drinking badly enough it can be done. I would suggest that you don't criticize his drinking, however. That will just lead to a lot of animosity. Just accept the fact that he's gonna do what he's gonna do while you're gonna stop drinking.
2. Consider therapy to deal with your identity issues. If you choose to do this, be certain that your therapist is experienced in dealing with addictions. Don't fear life in sobriety, it's actually a lot better than you can imagine. And I think a therapist will help you sort out the issues you face with your husband.
3. Go to some AA meetings. The hotline number is in the phone book and manned 24/7. They'll give you directions to the nearest meeting. While you're there pick up a meeting schedule. If you've been hanging around here for a while, you've noticed that there are some good and some bad meetings. Find the good ones. As to NA meetings, I can't help you there. I know a lot of folks who come to AA meeting around here identify themselves as alcoholics and addicts but only go to AA. I'll let someone else speak for NA.
4. And finally, stop and recognize what you're doing to yourself. You have a disease that's primary, chronic, progressive, and fatal. Drinking as you described for 25 years has probably done some serious hurt to your body. Fortunately, most damage will go away once you quit drinking. If you don't stop you're looking at a mental institution at best or an early grave at worst.