3
Today will be my third night in a row without drinking, and I actually feel pretty good!
I was a parties-only drinker who only occasionally lost control/blacked out for a few years, and then after I turned 21 I started adding in some drinking-alone nights. That slowly ramped up in frequency and quantity until just a few weeks ago (I'm in my mid 20's now) I realized all the sudden that I was drinking 8 beers or so a night pretty regularly. I'd also been gaining weight (duh that's a lot of carbs right before bed every night), waking up in the middle of the night with panic, starting to try to hide how much I was drinking, my thoughts during the day started to be dominated to how close it was to the hour that I had subjectively decided was the "OK" time to start drinking, and blah blah - the list goes on.
I hadn't/haven't really done anything too outrageously dangerous overall because of the drinking, but what scared me was that I could see PROGRESSION in a disease, in my alcoholism. And I was starting to not have time, mentally or physically, for a lot of the things I used to enjoy doing. You know, like hobbies. :-)
So three days ago, I decided to quit drinking. I found this forum thanks to the fabulous Google, and reading everybody's stories really reaffirmed my decision and psyched me up to really feel like I could take this on. And even better, you all made me feel like my decision was a good one, and that a sober life ahead can really be pretty awesome. Alcohol just isn't that important!!! Living life to the fullest, and being 100% sober to appreciate it is what's actually important in life.
Also, just wanted to mention that I went to my first AA meeting earlier tonight, a closed women only meeting with only about four other ladies there. It was super to get the camaraderie and hear their stories, and to have something to do with myself tonight, and I do think I'll go back again at some point. But the God part of AA just isn't for me - I'm just not spiritual in that way (or maybe at all). I'll say I have no power over alcohol - that's totally true. But I DO have the power to say no to alcohol on behalf of myself, so that it cannot have the chance to control me at all anymore. If I tell myself I don't have that power, I'll be starting to drink again, because I don't necessarily believe in some higher power that'll be helping me out in that department.
Anyways, enough soapboxing, and I hope no AA or religious people take offense at what I've said. I know that everyone's path to recovery is different, and everyone's spirituality or lack thereof is unique and different too. I may well change my tune at some point down the road too, you never know. But I'm just really excited, and I feel really hopeful about the future. About MY future!!!
-iwantit
(PS: I didn't really think my screenname through when I signed up. Just to clarify, "it" = recovery/sobriety. LOL)
(PPS: Sorry 'bout the vague title. I've been trying to post for a couple days but couldn't for some reason, then I got a message that said to try using only one word for the title, and it might work that way).