Hi everyone! I’m new here.. Just wanted to introduce myself. I’m 26- no husband, no kids, just me living on my own. I’ve been sober for 94 days now (had to stop and think about that!). So far, so good. I went to detox in June and a day program after that. Kinda got pushed into it by my parents but I’m definitely glad it happened. I knew I had a problem with alcohol but kept telling myself I’d deal with it later. I just kept putting it off cause it was easier that way. I met a lot of really nice people in detox that I would never in a million years guess had a problem like me. But then again, you wouldn’t guess I have a problem just by looking at me.
My problem started slowly but gained steam over the years. Started off just as normal experimentation in high school, then got more frequent in college cause it was more readily available. Even then, I’d drink by myself a lot but it’s easier to convince yourself everything’s fine when you’re in the college mentality. I kept on drinking by myself after graduation. Sometimes I had roommates, sometimes I lived by myself, but the drinking was a constant. I heard someone on the radio a few weeks ago talking about being a “functioning alcoholic” and I guess that’s what I was. Only my closest friends knew the severity of my problem. I went to work every day with no problems. I handled my business but when I came home at night I was sure as hell gonna throw back some drinks. Rum and diet coke was my drink of choice and I’d go through about a liter every night. Looking back, that amount of alcohol seems crazy. How am I alive right now?
When I first came home from detox it was really strange to be in my apartment at night and not drink. I was really, really, really bored. I had isolated myself from a lot of people as my drinking got worse cause I didn’t want anyone to realize. No one was calling me to do stuff cause they knew I’d say no. I had to really make an effort to reconnect with friends and those first few weeks were extremely lonely. Fast forward three months and things have gotten easier for me. I’ve told my friends and they’re very supportive but sometimes I almost feel like they don’t take it seriously as me. I guess no one can truly understand what it’s like unless they’ve been there themself.
It is kind of depressing to think that I’ll never have another drink in my life (if I know what’s good for me). I have no desire to get completely wasted by myself- I know how destructive that can be. But I’d like to be able hang out with my friends, watch the sunset, and throw back a few beers after a rough day. Nothing crazy! I asked my doctor if I would ever be able to go to a cookout and have one or two beers or if that was completely out of the question for me. He asked me if I knew that if I didn’t lock my door there was a 20% chance that I’d get robbed, would I leave my door unlocked? I said no, that’d just be stupid. He said that more than likely, I would be fine if I had a few social beers. But there’s a chance that doing that would lead me right back to where I started from and unless I try, there’s no way of knowing. Do I really want to take that chance? I have to keep reminding myself that. They told us in the day program I went to that after a while you lose sight of how quickly you can fall back into your old habits and you really have to make a conscious effort. It’s so easy to think having one or two drinks will be no big deal but I have to squash that thought when it enters my head.
One thing I’m wondering about music. I used to really enjoy listening to music when I was drinking and since I stopped, I don’t enjoy it nearly as much. I thought this was something that’d go back to normal over time but it hasn’t. Has anyone else had this experience with music? Does it get better? I still love music but it’s just not the same. Hard to explain.
Another question- I’ve heard from several people that you’re not supposed to begin a romantic relationship for at least a year after you stop drinking. I guess so you have time to yourself to make sure you have your head on straight? I finally feel like I’m in the right state of mind to have a real, adult, sober relationship, but at the same time, I don’t want to jeopardize the progress I’ve made. Thoughts on this?
I don’t know exactly what I hope to gain from posting on here but it seems like it couldn’t hurt, right?!
I enjoy reading the posts and hopefully I’ll have something to contribute. Nice to meet you guys!