hi ladyb
I don't want to beat you down but the folks here have got good advice...
my recovery started when I realised drinking could no longer be a viable option...ever.
when I 'knew' I was going to drink one day, I did everything I could not to - sat here on SR, didn't leave the house, I'd have even gone to a meeting if that was an option...
Staying sober takes commitment, and a good deal of work - it's not easy, but the effort is worth it, believe me
D