Where are YOU in all this? When do YOU get to have a LIFE? I just think that you are waiting for this man to die, and then you will start your life. But what if he doesn't die soon? How long are you going to stay in this situation. And do you realize that it is affecting you? You almost sound numb to me, like you have no emotion left in you, just a hollowness, a dullness about the whole situation, and about life. You sound tired, unhappy, and ready to be done with this. Why not just give yourself permission to be done now, before he dies. He is making the choice to not get treatment in the hospital. One bad experience doesn't mean that is what is going to happen the next time, but again, it's his business, his life, his pain, not yours. You really have done WAY more than most people and it HASN'T helped him one bit. Maybe it's time to say to yourself, "I deserve to be happy too. I am making good choices and not doing drugs. I don't deserve to be this unhappy one day longer."
Many of us have had to walk away from a loved one or friend who was in pain, either physical or emotional, because we knew that there was nothing more WE could do to help them, and that STAYING in the situation was harming US.
I encourage you to really take a look at yourself in the mirror, give yourself permission to walk away and let him survive or not survive, and remind yourself that life is short, and precious, and you aren't getting younger, you are getting older each year. And you may need a year or two to process and get through this past relationship before you truly enjoy life again. Why not just start today? Why wait for him? Why let him call all the shots for YOUR life? You don't really owe that to another person, especially an active addict who has no intention of changing.
Just think about it. Look at yourself long and hard, and just think about it. Today is as good a day as any to make this change. For YOU.