I used to think about it all the time FS - I couldn't stop....and most times it started me wanting to have a drink to forget it....
The past really is a foreign country - what we've both done is done and can't be undone, not matter how much we wish it.
I'm not excusing myself for anything I did - I still don't know that I forgive myself completely - personally, I came to believe my god does forgive me - and I figure who am I to hold out longer? but thats my view. I'm not imposing it on anyone
Even if you're not religious - just don't live with the guilt, mate - it's a useless emotion.
Do what you can in thought and action and turn the rest over to...whatever is greater than you, FS
No excuses - but we were different then - and we're changed now...and it's what we can do today that counts.
Don't look back
D