4 months.
OK, so here i sit. It's 1:00 A.M.and i'm pretty restless. Backed off my meetings after i did my 90 in 90. I actually did more like 120+ in 90. I started to feel kinda burned out so after i reached my goal i decided to hit 1 a week, Saturday night where i'm treasurer. I'm gonna start working with the local workforce center about work. I think the meds are working. I haven't felt this level in years. As much time as i spend sitting around the house i don't seem to be sitting in my head nearly as much. I'm not feeling as hopeless and full of dread as i used to. I wouldn't say i feel spectacular, but it's the best i've felt in recent memory. The future stills scares me, but i haven't been dwelling on it as much. I hit my knees in the morning when i get up and at night when i go to bed. Things just seems smoother when i do this consistently. My mind still tries to tell me i don't need meetings, or people, or prayer, or God, that i'm unique and different than others but i know that voice lies and doesn't want me to succeed........at anything. The meetings with my psychologist are going very well. I can talk to him about things i can't or won't in meetings. I really like the guy. When i met him the 1st time i thought i had walked into a sitcom. When i think of a shrink this is exactly what i pictured in my head. Little old Jewish guy from the east coast. I'm having a really hard time staying with a sponsor. I have a really hard time getting close to people. My 1st sponsor i let go because i thought i found a better 1 in my 4th step workshop. He is 1 of the facilitators. Haven't called him in weeks and to be honest i'm a little pissed he hasn't called me either. I'm gonna look for one that is more local to me and i can relate to better. My desire to drink/use is still pretty much a non issue. I have no desire but my head uses this against me by telling me if i have no desire i don't need meetings. It's an argument of contradictions. Always a good time in my head. Oh yah, i hit 4 months yesterday. :praying