Could use some help w what to say...
Ok, so I haven't been around for awhile but knew that here is always where I can come to for help. 'Recovering' AH and I are now separated after 19 years of marriage. Happened because in March he went on a 3 day crack binge came home and then continued drinking on and off through June. He is also bipolar/compulsive (being neat) and can be very mean spirited. Long story short - we have been on this roller coaster for the past 19 years with his longest sobriety being 17 months. I am now tired of riding the coaster and have moved myself and 16 yo d into a condo. So - it has now been 3 months apart and he is now just coming to the realization of what he has caused and is now ready to get his life back in order and he wants his family back. DD has forgiven him for the things he has done in the past but is not ready to go down that road again and so does not want to spend time with him at this time. He can't understand this and can't understand how this can be healthy for her and doesn't understand how she can see the changes that he is making if she doesn't see him. He doesn't understand why he can't move back in with him because he is really trying he is never going to do it again...etc etc. the same old story we get every time (which I told him) but of course he swears that this is it. I truly WANT this to be the last time and do have the hope that it is the last time but am not ready myself to open up and be close and intimate yet.
So...how do get this all across to a recovering addict? This is the first time that we have been separated and the first time that I am really sticking to my boundaries but need help in the department of helping him understanding those boundaries and why and that I do feel that this is the right thing for me right now. I'm not trying to push him away or keep him out. Just trying to get some space for healing.
Thoughts? Thanks in advance.