Ok, so here is what my mother responded to me in an email tonite saying the following:
"You just do not get it do you, no mattter how much I explain, you fail to understand! You want to still paint a picture of this monster I am, and I am not so.I was really looking forward to seeing you all, but as you have stated I cannot see you untill I get my Liscense, wow, I would think you would be happy for me to come on a bus, as soon as I could! I am not going to play cat and mouse with you either! Either you want me to come asap or you do not want me to to come at all!! That is how I feel!!!"
So here's the deal. She insists now on taking a bus, and a taxi from the bus station (even though she doesn't own a cell phone, has never rode a bus, hasn't even looked into any bus routes, and just the other day was trying to swindle every relative possible into driving her 4 hours to come and visit me. She doesn't even know what the bus routes are like to my apartment. On top of that, my co-dependent and alcoholic step-father would have to go out of his way to drop her off at the bus stop which is 30 min of driving there and 30 min. back. On top of that, once she is done visiting us (which she claims she wanted to visit for 2 days here and 1 day at my sister's), she is going to have to get a taxi to go to my sister's house and then a taxi from my sister's house to the bus station which would be at least a 25 mile drive. So taking a taxi for a total of at least 50 miles, then taking a bus for over 2 hours (by car from her house is only a 2 hour drive...by bus it's almost always twice as long b/c of all the stops--I know b/c I've had to use a bus for transportation for a year when I didn't have a car). By the time she got here, her entire day would be shot, she'd spend way more $$ for a taxi and a bus than she would if she would just drive a car and travel independently. On top of that, I've begged her to get her driver's license since I was 13 and she has never been able to tell me exactly what she needs to do in order to get her driver's license back. She claims she has to take a driver's class, take the driving test, and all this other stuff---she can never keep her story straight and she never looks into it. She doesn't even try. She says it's literally impossible for her to get her license b/c she works 6 days a week.
Apparently I am expecting too much of her to get her license. Apparently I am at fault for saying I don't want her to come unless she do something that most normal adults can do...even 16 year olds.
So..this is what I wrote her back with :
guess you made your choice. Apparently, getting a driver's license is too much responsibility. It's not too much for a 16 year old, but you've made it very clear that it is too much for you to handle. I guess that's too bad.
Is it too much to ask someone that they get their driver's license? Good GOD! Please...I need reassuring that I'm not expecting too much. She always complains that she wants to see the grandkids and wants them to know her, but is never willing to make that happen. She has every excuse in the world as to of why she can never vist. My mil used to travel 2 1/2 hours just to spend the day with us. She would do that 2 times a month at least just so she could see our oldest daughter (the other two weren't born then). I really am starting to believe that she still wants everyone to do everything for her so she can stay either drunk or hungover 24/7. It disgusts me, makes me see red at times, makes my stomache burn and ache...and makes me so angry.
Do you have any idea why I feel this way, even though I KNEW that this was EXACTLY what her response was going to be? I knew that she would put this on me...so why should I care? Why do i give a damn?
I'm supposed to somehow elevate her efforts of trying to swindle relatives to drive her here, praise her for saving 2 of her vacation days for me, and praise her for her willingness to get a bus and taxi...all of which make everything harder than what it has to be. Sorry for ranting.