Thanks for your post mirage. I used to operate on two levels:
the conscious one after a period of abstinence
'I feel so good now - I must have overreacted - you're being foolish - you don't have a problem'.....
and a deeper level Anna mentioned...I'd been dealing with life by
not dealing with it for so long, that being sober - feeling, no buffers - was strange and uncomfortable... sometimes even frightening.
To my irrational mind then, drinking was a measure of control to me (even tho I often got frighteningly out of control doing it) it was my way of controlling my own personal environment.
Getting sober meant facing a lot more than just not drinking.
Still the best thing I ever did tho
D