I agree with what you're saying Mirage and although I don't see it so much in myself with the drinking, or maybe I do? Like sometimes (like NOW) I just feel so numb for so long and I KNOW that once I drink something is going to get really stirred up and I'll feel SOMETHING again. It really doesn't matter whether or not the results are predictably good OR bad. As long as it's SOMETHING to get me out of THIS. Everyday life is just so fricking BORING. Does anyone else feel this way?
When I was younger, before I developed the more serious side of my alcoholism, I recall telling a friend who was trying to cheer me up that it was OK, that I LIKED it when I was sad, and I even liked it when I cry, because that way I knew I was ALIVE. He thought I was CRAZY because he didn't understand that I didn't NEED to be cheered up. Feeling was feeling, either one side of the spectrum (happiness) or the other (sadness).
What a great post. Thanks for sharing! I needed that. But wait, what's the alternative now to going out to get hammered in order to frickin' feel something? I've been numb this ENTIRE year. HELP!