I agree with you Mirage.
I would stop drinking for a few days and then begin to feel uneasy. And, I would turn back to drinking, over and over again. I couldn't figure out what was going on. I finally realized that the thought of succeeding and feeling good about myself, scared me so much. I had grown used to failing and having negative feelings about myself. It felt comfortable. Feeling good was 'way out there'. I really had to take a leap of faith to get out of that cycle.