My grandfather was admitted to hospice care. Doctor said 3 to 6 months is optimistic, it's unlikely he'll make it to Christmas. So I guess now we're waiting for grandpa to die. Kinda sucks, he was always kinda mean when I was growing up. In the last couple years he finally chilled out and I actually started to get along with him. Still though, it's hard to have a solid relationship with someone who lives 1100 miles away.
I'm home alone, supposedly studying but it's so not happening. I'm tired today. I slept for almost 12 hours, didn't get up until noon, and feel like I could go back to sleep right now. I guess I just wore myself out. Partied a little bit a couple days ago. Shouldn't have. It wears me out, I'm too old to stay up all night and the drugs don't even make me feel good. Yesterday when the post-party depression was the worst I was trying to remember why I ever liked drugs. I used to do them so I didn't think about the negativity, now it's all negative all the time when I do them, the self-loathing is the worst. I don't even want them any more. It's ridiculous, I do them anyway. Just stop already, it sounds so easy. I was in bad shape yesterday, had blood in my nostrils which means my blood pressure was so high from the drugs it gave me a nosebleed. And that means the headache was probably due to some bleeding in my brain. That's it, it has to stop. Time to grow up, man up, and quit being a loser. That's all there is to it.
Hope everyone's doing alright.